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October 13, 2007
I love Gloria.
She's the baby's new babysitter during the week. She runs her own daycare
out of her home with her daughters and it's AWESOME!!!!!! It's rated three
stars which is GREAT, especially for an in-home daycare. They take such good
care of the baby and she loves it. All the other little kids love the baby.
The only bad thing is that it's in Lexington, but it's in northern
Lexington, so the drive is about 20 minutes. Some people actually live IN
Lexington and have to drive farther than that for daycare. It's also
literally around the corner from my parents' house so if I ever need them
to, they can pick up the baby and bring her to me.
Also Gloria is cheaper than where my two-year-old goes, which means no
out-of-pocket for me. I am really happy with his childcare, but I have to
tell you, I would struggle with a decision should there be an opening for
him with Gloria. Plus both kids would be at the same place. That would be SO
nice. Right now everyone is at a different place. My oldest two have
completely different school calendars and that is becoming a pain. I am
rethinking private school these days anyway. I'll save that little gem for
later. I'm still too mad to write about it.
October 11, 2007
Why does it seem
that everything either goes wrong all at one time or falls right into place
at the same time? Nothing I can really report on the foster kids front. I
know some stuff, but can't share.
BUT get this: So I had a conference with my five-year-old's teacher
today. I have a lot of problems at home with her. Fortunately (or
unfortunately) no one else seems to see her evil side :). I was prepared to
go into class and have to defend my opinions regarding my DD. I brought the
teacher some chai from Starbucks which always helps. Chai makes everything
better -- at least I think so.
Anyway, she proceeds to tell me what a smart girl I have and that she's in
the top 5 of her class. Meanwhile at home she acts like she's borderline
mentally challenged, which I knew some of that was attention-seeking
behavior. SO know what she says next? You'll never guess. Really. I didn't.
TEACHER: "Remember when we thought she was leaving about two weeks
ago? I asked her how she felt about it and she shrugged her shoulders. I
asked her, "If you could pick where you could live, where would you want to
live?"
My DD's answer: "With my Mommy."
TEACHER: (to clarify): "Do you mean with your mommy and daddy or with
your mommy you live with now.
DD's answer: My mommy I live with now.
I WAS FLOORED!!!!!!!!!! It explains EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! All the
behaviors only shown at home, the "pull-me-close-and-push-me-away", the
crying bouts after visits, all of it. And to think all this time I thought
she hated me.
I wanted to call her counselor, but he (of course) was on vacation.
Five days til the rescheduled penis surgery. Great.
October 6, 2007
I know. I haven't
been on here. ALL FOUR KIDS HAVE BEEN SICK!!!!!!!! They're still not 100%.
It's been crazy. We've been to the doctor three times. We're finally through
the worst of it, but I thought it was going to last forever.
I hate to sound so boring but that's the only thing that has been going on.
I found a wonderful daycare for the baby. She won't be there very many hours
per day and it will give me a little break and more of a chance to get back
on here and update you guys on my exciting life. I haven't been able to work
regularly and I have to have something to do once the kids are gone.
I don't know what we'll do today. I need to change out of my pajamas. The
three kids now have visits on Sunday afternoons and that means I no longer
have to transport so that is AWESOME!!!!!!!
September 27, 2007
STREAM OF
CONSCIOUSNESS
I am still trying
to process court on Tuesday. Long story short -- I'll have the kids until
the next hearing which is November 27th. Court was weird and confusing.
Birth mom and dad have made progress, but apparently not enough. Judge told
them they were running out of time. It's two more months of bonding with the
baby, which will make it all the more difficult to have her go -- for the
both of us. I am going to do everything in my power to help my chances -- I
may lose the battle but I really want to win the war. Here I was thinking
that the kids would go home and I had prepared myself for it and now the
hell we have been going through will go on for another two months. Good
thing I have a refill on those anti-depressants.
Penis surgery has been rescheduled for mid-October. Good times.
Baby tried prunes today. Don't know if I'll be doing that again. It went in
her so much better than it came out.
I just realized I was supposed to call somebody back from early this
morning. Or was that yesterday? Sorry Francie.
Got an e-mail from my MOPS group I just joined (remember them? I told you
about them. They watched the kids for me one night at a Parent's Night Out)
the group. What a neat group of moms. The leader of my group sent me an
e-mail about how I was in her thoughts and prayers regarding the kids. She
also gave a very appropriate passage from Jeremiah. It was the perfect
passage and just what I needed. I hope they let me stay in the group even if
the kids leave. Think they'll kick me out?
I'm having lunch
with my divorce attorney next week. I just love her. She is a very neat
person. Wish I had met her under different circumstances.
What is it about kids fighting
in the car? Is it that they are confined in a tiny space? A friend who
also has four kids said she was considering a squirt gun in the car so when
the kids were going at it she could just point and shoot. Personally I
thought it was hysterical. Just picturing it made me laugh out loud.
I have GOT to start working out -- walking, running, yoga, something. I need
to get some endorphins going. I feel yucky all the time.
September 24, 2007
HERE COMES THE JUDGE
So the hearing is
tomorrow. I have never felt so weird about any one event. Part of me wants
to throw up. Part of me is actually excited. Part of me is a little scared
should the judge do what I think she might actually do. Part of me just
wants to get the whole things over with.
The baby and I played hookey (sp?) today. We did nothing other than go to
lunch with my friend Debbie. I am so behind on work for the site, but it's
been so hard to concentrate with all this other stuff going on.
I will let you know how it goes tomorrow. Say a little prayer for us!
September 22, 2007
ROAD TO RECOVERY
We all are still a
little under the weather. Colds or something. We're all still snotty and
coughing.
I decided to go to the hearing on Tuesday. My social worker suggested I go.
I also wrote a letter to the judge. From what the social workers had told me
I didn't think it was going to do any good, but I didn't want to look back
and wonder if it would have made a difference.
This is where it gets good -- THE JUDGE CALLED ME AT HOME AFTER RECEIVING MY
LETTER! I had heard mostly not-so-great things about her so I had no idea
what to expect, but in my experience with her she was a perfectly lovely
person. She thanked me for my letter and said she appreciated it and then we
had a really good talk about the foster care system in general. She said she
looked forward to meeting me on Tuesday. After speaking with her I truly got
the impression she would carefully consider all the facts and make a
decision based on what she truly thought was best for the kids. It gives me
a little bit of hope. I am so very curious how all this will go down on
Tuesday. I went to court for John, my other foster son, but there was never
really an issue of terminating rights or possible change in custody. This
will be very different. I don't think I can share details of the hearing on
Tuesday which is really unfortunate. I'm sure it will be interesting if
nothing else.
September 20, 2007
I've got a secret!
I've got a secret! :)
I'll tell you later. It's pretty big, if it really happens. Keep your
fingers crossed.
September 17, 2007
SMALL FAVORS
Now don't take this
the wrong way, but I am so glad my two-year-old is sick. He has a fever and
a lot of congestion so that means THE SURGERY HAS TO BE POSTPONED!!!!!!!!!
Thank goodness. All five of us are sick with the snots and allergies, but
I'd rather take care of everybody when they are under the weather than spend
the rest of my time with the kids cooped up in the house with my
two-year-old recovering from penis surgery. The next available time to do
the surgery is when the kids will be back home.
It's my birthday today. I have so many wonderful, kind, thoughtful friends
and family members that have called, sent cards and well-wishes. I've had to
put most of my birthday celebrating off until the kids are gone. I just
thought it would be easier.
I am doing a little better
with the idea of the kids leaving. I went to the doctor and now I am on
anti-depressants. Man, do they help. I think I only need them for a few
weeks, but they really help take the "edge" off. I don't feel like crawling
up in fetal position and crying all the time. Tom Cruise may think
medication for these kinds of things is wrong, but I have to tell you, for
some people they make all the difference in the world. Tom Cruise can bite
me. I hope no one from my church ever reads this. Sometimes I think I tell a
wee bit too much. Thankfully most of you have no idea who I am.
The next week will be spent organizing things for the children's return home
-- medical records, scrapbooks, packing, and more crying.
I think I am going to have a scrapbook party and a
"let's-put-all-the-baby-stuff-away" party with all my girlfriends. I just
don't think I can sit there and put together a scrapbook by myself and
putting the baby stuff away will be unbearable. I think I'd almost rather
have my girlfriends put all the stuff away while I was gone.
We're also having a little
open house this weekend. I thought it was a good way for everybody to have
some closure should the kids go home on Tuesday. All the people in my life
need closure as well so I thought we could have a little party for the kids.
It really is like mourning the death of a child. It isn't so bad with the
two older children. They have memories of their parents and want to go home.
But the baby, all she knows is me. I can't help but think she'll feel like I
have abandoned her. I have a friend whose daughter died when she was still a
toddler. My friend said something that I thought was very insightful and
sympathetic. She said, "It's almost more difficult to foster a child and
have them leave than it is to have a child die. I know where my little girl
is. I know she's in Heaven and she's safe and taken care of. When you foster
and the children leave, you don't know where they are, you don't know if
they're okay or safe." I haven't had a child die, but I so totally see her
point.
September 14, 2007
BAD NEWS
I haven't written
on here in a few days because I just haven't been able to bring myself to do
it. I found out on Monday that my three foster kids, my three babies, will
be leaving for sure. Their hearing is on the 25th. They will either leave
immediately after the hearing or have a short transition time. I am in
shock. I can't go into their circumstances but I cannot believe the Cabinet hasn't held these parents to higher standards.
There's more. Way more. I
think I am allowed to talk about it, but I am still fuming so I cannot write
about it yet.
I knew I shouldn't have bought that crib.
September 9, 2007
NO REST FOR THE WEARY
Here I am again.
It's 4:30 a.m. Baby is crying. You can hear it all over the house. She's
been crying for a long time. No one else has woken up -- not yet anyway. My
dilemma is this: I am worried that if I don't get the baby to sleep through
the night that she'll go home and the parents may get frustrated with her
and hurt her. They only have two bedrooms so the baby will be in a room with
them. I would rather let her cry here and get it worked out here where I
know she's safe and no one will hurt her. Does that make sense? I know
plenty of people are against the whole "crying it out" thing. Some people
are very judgmental on this topic and even go to the extreme saying that it
encourages attachment disorders. I am no expert but I feel that there are
probably more factors involved in the formation of an attachment disorder
than a parent letting a baby cry for an extended period of time.
There's something wrong with
the idea that my son and I are sleeping on the couches in our own home while
the three foster kids each get a room of their own. This has to stop. No one
can sleep in a room with a screaming baby. No one can sleep with my
two-year-old. He is still screaming suddenly in his sleep and whining in his
sleep. We only have three bedrooms. Anybody have any ideas? Do earplugs
actually work?
Baby has stopped crying.
FINALLY. Now I can't sleep.
September 8, 2007
TOLD YOU SO!
I'm having another difficult weekend. I found out yesterday the children
will be going to unsupervised visits soon. That's the kiss of death for a
foster parent (if they are fostering to adopt, that is). It's the first step
for the children being returned home. It shows progress. It shows the
parents have been doing everything they are supposed to be doing (at least
for appearances sake). My friends and family have been so supportive
and wonderful. They keep telling me to not lose hope and that a lot can
happen before the kids are returned home, but the reality is the parents
have kept up the good work for two months now. Why mess it up right before
they get them back? On the other hand I am perplexed: we're talking about
long-term drug addiction among other serious issues. How can two
co-dependent people suddenly quit crack and attend every meeting and class
they are supposed to? Why now? Their children have been in the system since
December of last year. Why now? Can they really keep it up?
See there? I told you. I told you in my last post (below) that I held off on
buying a real full-sized crib because if I did, it would jinx me getting to
keep the kids. Sure enough, on the EXACT same day, five hours later, I find
out about the unsupervised visits. I knew it!!!!! Told you so!
You guys crack me up. I am amazed to find out people actually read this blog.
Like lots of you. It's in my Top 20 most traveled pages on the site. I find
that shocking. I hope you aren't disappointed in what you find. I mean, it's
real life. My life. It doesn't seem that exciting to me, but as long as you
keep reading, I'll keep writing.
September 6, 2007
ODDS AND ENDS
I know, I know. I haven't been
great about writing like I promised. Things have been more chaotic than
usual over the last few days -- REALLY. I had my air conditioner screw up
over the holiday weekend. Fun. Good times. All the kids and I slept
downstairs. Won't ever do that again. The next day my dad and I went and
bought a window unit to put upstairs to help cool off the house because as
long as I have lived here it has always been 80 degrees in the house every
evening during summer. Do you know how hard it is to find a window unit at
the very end of summer on a holiday weekend when everything is on sale and
the weather is 95+ degrees? Well, I can tell you -- it's tough. The house is
quite comfortable now :)
I finally sucked it up and
bought a new crib -- a real crib -- for the baby. I think I kept putting it
off because it seemed like such a long-term kind of purchase and I'm not
sure how long the kids will be here. I felt that if I bought the crib I
would be jinxing myself and then the kids would leave.
So my dad came over to help me assemble the crib. It doesn't have nuts and
bolts that fit together like they should, therefore, creating a small
problem. So my dad went out this evening and bought new nuts and bolts and
is coming back to my house tomorrow to help me put it together so his foster
granddaughter can sleep in her new crib (Ladies, I would just like to point
out that no man will ever treat you as well as your daddy. It's true. I know
this from personal experience.)
Things seem to be going smoother at home except for the occasional bump. I
am DREADING the upcoming penis surgery of my two-year-old. There's a long
story that goes along with that and I would LOVE to share it, but I can't
because of stupid confidentiality (see below). Grrr. Surgery is in two
weeks. Please check back in with me then. My vivid descriptions should be
worth the read.
I really wish I could include pictures of the kids. They really are as cute
as they can be and I'd love for you to see them. They're such cuties!
August 28, 2007
I love going to a counselor. I
get to rant and rave about whatever I want and he has to listen. Granted he
tells me things I may not want to hear and may say something like, "You
know, Jennifer, sounds like you are really angry about this. What are you
really afraid of?" I am seeing a counselor in conjunction with foster care.
I know a lot of people have some not-so-great things to say about Comp Care,
but they have been great to me thus far. That's another thing -- I do have a
million complaints about the foster care system but they do have a lot of
resources for foster/adoptive parents.
The baby has a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I LOVE her pediatrician. I
take her to the health department and everyone there is SO nice. Actually I
have dealt with the health department in both Scott and Fayette counties and
I think the world of both of them. I almost feel that the people who work
there truly love what they do. You'd have to to work there. Me? I would go
insane. Truly that isn't where my talents lie. I will say it is an
interesting slice of population seeking treatment, but I think it makes me
grateful and feel blessed. Sometimes I get really sad sitting there waiting
to get called back. I see these kids who obviously need services like
speech, OT and PT and their teeth are literally rotting out of their mouths
and it just breaks my heart. It's not their fault. And the reality of them
actually getting services and treatments they need is so slim. That's why I
became a foster parent. Maybe I can make a difference for the time I have a
child.
It's hard saving the world one kid at a time. lol :)
August 27, 2007
MY LITTLE SOAPBOX
This little redesign of the
site has been quite the undertaking. The worst part is I know that there is
so much more about it that I have no clue about. I just learn as I go. I am
so incredibly tired. The baby still wakes up about twice a night. I think
everyone would sleep better if we each had our own room. All the kids except
for Jake have sleep issues and I don't feel like I can let anyone "cry it
out" because they'll wake up somebody else in the house. I wish I knew what
the future held -- I need a bigger house if the kids will be staying
long-term.
We went to the circus yesterday. It was a lot of fun. I can't remember the
last time I went to the circus. It was both the older kids' first time. I
wondered if it would be better to be in the circus or be a carnie (sp?). I
say the circus, but who knows? Seems a little classier, kind of like Walmart
vs. Target. Is it just me or does Target smell good when you walk through
that automated door into the store?
I had a rough weekend. I am becoming increasingly bitter with the foster
care system.
I'm thinking of taking my frustrations with the foster care system to the
local media. Can I do that if I remain anonymous? Can they protect my
identity? Makes me feel like I am a spy or something. I'm so tired of
reading stories in the Lexington paper about (boohoo) poor birth parents not
getting their kids back or not understanding they were going to lose their
kids. If they were too stupid to figure that out, they really had no
business procreating in the first place. I'm tired of all these advocacy
groups running to their side to "help" meanwhile as a foster parent I can
say nothing to the media because of confidentiality. They can run and say
whatever they want about their case, but I can say nothing. The birth
parents tend to leave out little details like why they got their kids taken
away in the first place (i.e. they were doing crack or were leaving them
with strangers for days at a time, were pimping them out for drugs, etc.) If
only people realized how foster parents really have it I think it would
change their feelings about the system altogether. Sorry to rant and rave,
but it's just how I feel. I had an issue come up on Friday that just FLOORED
me. Just one more time I as the foster parent get the shaft. I can't even
share my experience here because of confidentiality -- on my own site I
can't write specifically about my children. I can't write their names,
reveal anything about them that lets you have any insight to what I deal with
every day. Grrrrrrrr. I better go. I feel my blood pressure rising as I
type.
August 25, 2007
DINNER OUT
Okay, I finally
went out last night without any of my kids. I dropped three of them off at
the MOPS group's Parent's Night Out. They were SO nice! They must think I am a
nut. The kids had just gotten back from their visit with their birth parents
and were a mess. They had pop and food all over their clothes, my foster son
had decided it was a good time to pick his nose and eat his boogers and he
also had an accident while he was gone which meant that I had no change of
clothes for him should he have another accident for some reason. I worried
the whole time I was gone. I trusted the moms, it was my kids I didn't
trust. The MOPS group invited me to their next meeting. I think it's because
they felt sorry for me!
August 18, 2007
SLEEP PROBLEMS
Does anybody else have a child with weird sleep habits? If so, e-mail me at
editor@kidsandkaboodle.com
and I'll post your comments. My two-year-old has the strangest sleep habits
and I don't know how to straighten them out. He ALWAYS wakes up
crying. ALWAYS. He cries in his sleep, sometimes for short amounts of
time, other times longer. If one of the kids is sleeping in the room with
him, they tell him firmly to go back to sleep and usually he does. I'm not
sure if he's awake or not. Then during naptime he wakes up after about an
hour. If I go in there and tell him to go back to sleep, he'll cry a little
and then turn over and go back to sleep. He also refuses to sleep with
covers. He will instead curl up in a little ball on his belly when he gets
cold. When he isn't cold, he is all over the bed -- upside down, sideways,
it's crazy.
I understand WHY he does what he does -- he has been through a lot in a
small amount of time and I think it's stress related. My problem is how do I
change it? Is it something that will fix itself after time? In the meantime
it is very disruptive to the other kids' sleep.
August 17, 2007
BUMBO!
 I
found something really neat. That isn't true. My friend Tricia
found something neat. It isn't new (if you have had children in the
last few years. I haven't had a baby in nearly ten years, so there's
a lot I am catching up on). It's called a Bumbo (left). It's this
hard foam seat for young babies who still can't sit up on their own
yet. My little baby LOVES it! She likes to watch Teletubbies while
she sits in her chair. It's very cute.
Check out our product review and order one!
I have found lots of
neat things I'll be sharing with you as I get a chance.
On an
unrelated note I discovered this morning my foster daughter has
never been to the circus. Coincidentally the circus is coming to
town next weekend. I went online and ordered tickets today. They
were OUTRAGEOUS, but I thought it would be fun for the three oldest
kids. Maybe it'll be fun for me too. I can't remember the last time
I went to the circus! |
August 16, 2007
NEW ADDITIONS
Time has escaped me over the last few months. Some of you night already know
I am a foster parent. Last Fall we had John, an adorable two-year-old little
boy. He left us after five months. It was very difficult for Jake and I to
see him go.
I decided we needed a break after John. I didn't bother calling my worker
and "closing" our home because I didn't think we'd get a call so soon. I
really had my heart set on a baby girl who may be addicted to drugs and I
was told it would take forever. So I took a temporary job working full-time
for a few weeks. The first day I was at work all day I got a call from my
worker.
She tells me she has a newborn baby girl who needs a temporary home, for a
few weeks while they get approval for a relative. I couldn't say "no". I
went to pick Jake up and I asked him what he thought and he had the same
thoughts I did. We picked her up when she was four-days-old.
Long story short we still have her. She is a
beautiful healthy five-month-old baby girl. She also has an older brother
(age 2) and older sister (age 5). Social Services likes to keep siblings
together as much as possible. It came down to this -- either give up the
baby -- the baby I felt was just like my own -- or take the older siblings.
Yes, you guessed it. I am now the proud mother of four.
FOUR! I HAVE FOUR KIDS!!!!
We are cramped in my little house
like sardines and it has been nothing short of insanity, but we're managing.
I think once school is in full-swing it will seem easier. I have discovered
organization is the key, but sometimes organization and planning get thrown
out the window.
August
15, 2007
NEW AND IMPROVED
Well, I went as long as I possibly could without doing a blog. Apparently I
am the last person on Earth without a blog or a MySpace page.
I know I
have been really bad about updating the site. I am so very sorry. On a
bright note so many things are new here on the site. I have been working as
much as I possibly can to make things easier to navigate, plus have more
updated content, more product reviews and ways to buy neat products we
feature. I've tried to make the site warmer, friendlier and more personable.
I have had some crazy things happen over the last few months and it has
really helped with ideas for the site. I'll get to that later.
I hope you
like all the new changes. As always I would like to know what you think.
|
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